28. Jun, 2015

Day before surgery

Good morning,

It's 9am on Sunday morning and tomorrow is booby byebye day!

I'm not sure when i'll get back on here to update this, but i've recruited Cobie as my photographer, she is going to take photo's of me throughout the recovery so not only can I show you all, but I can see how terrible I looked and how out of it i was.  

So today i'm doing all the silly little things that need doing before a Monday morning, the school uniforms, the school bags, oh but wait there's a hospital bag to pack too today.

I'm not going to lie, i am absolutely shitting myself, I know once i get into the anaesthetic room the only way is forward, but i guess it's the thought of walking into the hospital, and going through the procedure of gown, stockings, consent, and having the dye injected into me.

Oh and the fact that i can't have my precious morning cup of tea!!!  

I hope the porter who comes for me is a big strapping lad, cos my legs, walking down to theatre will feel like someone elses!

I have a million and one things running through my head this morning, but i am in no way doubting the medical teams ability, i 100% trust them all, it's just the silly things, like on Tuesday morning, will i even be able to brush my own hair? Or my teeth?  How does it feel having my blood pressure taken on my thigh? (after a mastectomy you don't usually have it taken on the affected arm anymore....both mine will be affected)

I'm not the type of person to trail through thousands of pages on the internet looking for these answers, because usually i end up scaring myself stupid even more, so today my head is spinning, i'm irratable, anxious and grouchy!

I've already explained to the girls how i feel and that i don't mean to be snappy, but i just can't help it, they have been fantastic, Taya keeps coming to give me hugs and kisses, and Cobie is going to pamper me later tonight.

I doubt i'll get much sleep tonight, but at least i'll be sock on for 7 hours tomorrow while in theatre. When i wake up tomorrow there will be, Cobie, Rich, Mum, Lauren, Nan & Grandad all there waiting for me, i think it will be worse for them to be honest, as there the one's at home clock watching all day.

I've told Rich to keep facebook updated for me, so he will just tag me in a status and you can all follow my journey too.

I've got my bubble's ready for tonight's farewell party for the boobs....i'm going to have a long soak, a good chat to them and wish them well in the incinirator! lol

Another thought, how will i look.....i know i'm getting new boobs, but the one's i had before have always been a part of me, these new one's will be like an imposter till i get used to them, that's going to take some doing, not to mention having them expanded every week. Anyone who has fed their children, knows the boob area is never the same again, so when i wake up with the chest of a 17 year old again, how am i going to feel, with boobs stuck under my armpits again, i'll be catching my arms on them!?

This is massive......i've been that busy with the house move, that i've not had time or not made time to think about all these things, but here i am now the day before crapping myself with a million questions! Scars don't bother me, but i'm guessing i'm going to feel very different to aswell as looking it. I'm going to go to sleep as me, and wake up as erm ?????? Someone!

Well i'm going to get the washing collected and keep myself busy, thanks again for all your support and please keep sharing this blog and getting my journey out there.

I'll get back to you all as soon as i possibly can.

Be Happy

Lindzi xxx