Rich is driving home, my head is spinning, my legs are still like jelly and now i've got to go home to face my girls, my sister, my nan, my grandad and my best mate Kaye who lives next door....
Oh and wait i've got to tell them i've got bastard breast cancer!!!
I've not told my mum or dad yet, so that was a terrible phone call to have while driving home...
"Mum, i'm sorry to call you and tell you but it's not good news i'm afraid...
I've got breast cancer, got to have a double mastectomy and possibly chemo."
"Shit Lindz, i wasn't expecting that at all, are you ok? I'm coming to yours see you soon.
Now Mum lives in Sheffileld so half hour tops she'll be with me, Dad however, lives in Manchester so this is gonna have to be phone call jobby.
Hi Lindzi, how you gone on?
"Shit Dad, i've got breast cancer!"
My dad LAUGHED!!!! You know that laugh you do when your in shock...yeah that was my dad's response!
Then he said....
"Sorry i wasn't expecting that, how you doing?"
And after a blurry conversation about mastectomy, chemo and reconstruction, i told him i'd keep him updated as i now neeed to go and tell the girls and the rest of the family.
Pulling onto the drive
I have no idea how to walk in my house and tell everyone, what do i say?
Right Lindz, deep breath in and open the door!
I walk in, Rich behind me, and i find everyone sat round the kitchen table eating their tea....
everyone stops eating, puts down their cutlery and turns to look at me!
At this point i start crying and all i can blurt out is....
"it's not good, i've got breast cancer!"
I glanced straight at Cobie who had fallen into Lauren's arms and was crying her eyes out, quickly glanced at my grandad who was looking into his lap with tears in his eyes, my nan was crying and my poor darling little 4 year old Taya was sat there oblivious to it all!
I grabbed hold of Cobie and whispered in her ear that i was going to fight it, i didn't know what else to say so i repeated it over and over again.
Then it was Taya's turn who was now crying, not because she understood, but she felt like she was been left out because she hadn't been crying...
I explained to Taya that Mummy had poorly boobies and that i was going to have an operation and have new boobies put on!
That was enough for her for now, so then went outside to play.
Cobie asked to go to her friends house (which i knew she needed to go and have a cry with her best friend, like i was about too with Kaye)
I then met Kaye on the front door step of our houses, and again
i just blurted it out.....Once Kaye had picked her mouth up, she burst into tears and said i couldnt leave her!
WHOA hang on Kaye, i'd not even thought that i might die! I quickly corrected her and told her i wasn't going anywhere!
I then had a big cuddle with Kaye and went back home, where all my family were walking around in a daze.
Me and Lauren were sat on the back garden when Kaye walked out to us, burst into tears and said "Oh Lindz"
Now correct me if i'm wrong but i'm sure that should have been the other way round!?
Haha she is a big softy!
Then my mum arrived, now my mum is a tough bird and is very practical, so forgive her when i tell you she didn't cry, that's just how hard my mum is, don't get me wrong she is devastated but after a lot of shit and grief in her life, she cannot cry!
So Practical Mum said.....
"Least your getting new boobs Lindz"
Of course we were all rolling on the floor howling at this, which to everyone else may seem a bit strange considering i'd just been told i'd got breast cancer, but if you carry on my journey with me, you will learn all about mine and my families sense of humour