Thought i'd update you all whilst i'm rotting again. Friday was my 3rd session and whilst i know what to expect and i can pinpoint the exact side effect hitting at the exact time it did before, mentally and emotionally now this is getting harder.
I'm beyond tired, typing this is so hard to do, but if i sit and stare into space much longer today someone will be carting me off!
So the side effects are; Nausea, fatigue, taste changes, dry sore mouth, coldsores up my nose, leg cramps, stomach cramps, lack of appetite, inability to concentrate on things, neuropathy in my hands again, and my god can i cry, it's always Tuesday's i turn into a big girl's blouse (think it hits me after been bed bound since Friday's)
Now listing all that lot would be enough to scare the wits out of some people but surprisingly it's not those that get me down.....it's not been able to look after my own children, having to get someone to walk me to the toilet and bathroom because i'm so tired and weak. Not been able to get up and make my own drink. It's taking away my independence that's the biggy for me.
If i had those side effects but in moderation so i could still get about and do the things i needed to, then this part of treatment might just be a bit easier, but NO like only cancer can, it smacks you straight on your arse and takes every little bit of you!!
I'm not having a moan either, well maybe i am, but whilst having chemo on Friday a woman told me it was her first time having chemo and what should she expect.....i sooooo wanted to tell her she would be fine, but you know me...honest, blunt and straight to the point....so i told her.....she was going to feel rotten, it was horrendous, chemo was shit, but after 2 weeks she would start to come round again and then it would happen all over again.
I don't think she liked my brutal honesty but what was the point in sugar coating it right!?
This is who i am now, i rot, i recover, i get pumped full of poison again. 3 more sessions to go, and i'm not going to lie, i am absolutely dreading them, but on the 13th November when i have my last one i'll be walking out of Weston Park Hospital with my middle finger stuck right up to cancer!!
Well that's done me in now, so i'm off to sleep again, or stare into space, i can't always tell the difference!!!