Feelings

So everyone knows having cancer is HUGE it effects everything and every part of your life, i'm sat here reading the leaflets the hospital gave me for all the chemo, radiotherapy, hormone therapy and ovarian suppression i'm about to have wondering how after all the side effects have taken over me, how the hell am i going to come out the other side of this!?

Chemo side effects

Bruising & Bleeding

Anaemia

Bladder irritation

Discoloured urine

Build up of fluid

Nausea

Tiredness

Sore mouth

Taste changes

Diarrhoea

Constipation

Hair loss

Numb or tingling hands or feet

Skin changes

Nail changes

Changes to how my kidneys and liver work

Sore eyes

Muscle and/or joint pain

Headaches

Radiotherapy side effects

Skin reactions

Swelling of the breasts

Pain in the breast area

Tiredness and fatigue

Lymphoedema

Hair loss in armpit area

Change in breast shape, size and colour

Sore throat

Tamoxifen (hormone) side effects

Menopausal symptoms - hot flushes, night sweats and sleep disturbances, mood changes

Nausea

Ovarian suppression side effects

Early menopause - injection will stop my periods.

So i know i may not experience all of these but i should imagine any of these during the treatment is horrific.

I am more scared of this next step of treatment that i was about having the surgery, at least in theatre i wasn't aware of anything.

So in short,  my hair, nails, skin, mouth, kidneys, liver, ovaries, hands, feet and every other fucking body part i have is about to become cancer's bitch!!

I wonder what day the bailiff's are coming to take my property and car too, they might as well i have no control over anything else i own!!!!!

There's that word again...... CONTROL

On Thursday i was told......

Lindzi you are having chemo, radiotherapy, hormone therapy and ovarian suppression, now i know i need these to 100% get rid of this bastard cancer, but whoa hang on slow down give me a minute to get my head round this before you give me weston park dates etc.

RIGHT CONTROL........

The last bit of control i have is.....

The day i CHOOSE to get rid of my hair, i've said all along i'm going to donate it, and i SWEAR to god Cancer is not going to dictate when my lovely long blonde hair leaves me....

It's NOT going down my plughole and it's not going to affect how paople are with me!!!!!!

I am going to cut it off (well Kaye is) we are going to;

Plait it in sections

Cut it off

Shave my head

Send the hair to the Little Princess's trust

Probably CRY, CRY, CRY and CRY a bit more!

Then move onwards and upwards again until all the side effects kick in anyway!

If possible, i may organise a coffee and cake morning on the day i shave my head and raise money for research to cure this shitty bastard disease...

If people would be interested please drop me a line? But please be aware that i will be shaving my head that day too and it will be emotional!

Thanks

Be Happy

Lindzi xxx